Deception of self

Just the presence of my cat, Mr. Stretchers always improved my mood.
Using animals to cope with emotions is common. They don’t judge you when everyone else does. They’re loyal and have honest intentions.
The grief I feel is proof of the love we shared when he was living.

But I now have to learn how to actually feel my emotions and cope with them productively instead of repressing them thinking that the emotion doesn’t matter anymore.
Working on not taking everything the wrong way, expecting the worst all while drilling myself to have a positive mindset without dealing with the root emotion and hurt.
I just recently realized that the positive mindset became an unhealthy way to cope.

Just trying to feel happy after feeling like crap is NOT a productive way to move on from the emotion!!! I need a happy medium but I can’t seem to find it. I’m either overthinking myself into depression or feeling like I’m fine without knowing if I really am because it made it hard for me to identify my own emotions. Or just acting happy because I know if I throw a pity party all day that will only drag me down.
I feel my emotions SO strongly that ignoring them changed my behavior without me knowing.

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